Monday, August 10, 2009

Vicky`s draft on band of superjunior -several years

Several years
1 She
Recently, she has seen it many times that he was sitting there in silently.
He was sitting there and overlooking a distant place, a bit grey white hair was floating in the wind, the corner of his mouth is no longer young, but still a warm smile crossed his lips.
She always felt, he face at the East it Seems to miss someone.
He was a super star, in a foreign country with other 12 boys standing in the central of million people. But when she met him, he was just a dance teacher for a university, the only difference is that he was bit handsome than other guys.

2 He
Thirty years passed, they already in their twilight years.
He loved sitting in the balcony, looking forwards, you can see almost half city, the place he lived for half century. There is continuously coastline at the end of the city ,it seems like the fate lines in the palms of your hands, circuitous and winding.
A part of his time is lost on the other side of the coastline.

3 Those years
“Hey what are you looking at?”
He made two steps forward and comes up by my side, relying on the same posture and looked up.
He looked back at hee chul with a warm smile and then answered: Oh, just want to see the difference of the sky in here compare with my hometown.”
“So! Have you seen any difference?”
“No! They are same, same blue and white, nothing change.”
He said with some loneliness, they look different and in different places, why the sky is still remind the same?
Hee chul suddenly draped his arm round his shoulders and saying
“Are you foolish? Of course it is different, does your hometown have me in
there??!”
There was a clothes cover on his body gently; suddenly he awoke as it from a dream that was his wife.

She looked carefully at the photo album in his hand, and then bit hesitating asked him.
“Are you just thinking of you previous teammates in Korea?”
“Ah, do not know how they are now.”
She seemed to fall into the memories.
“When we first married, they were come, I still remember there have one particular beautiful guy, he just look like a girl, so that made me thought he was your ex-girlfriend, ha-ha."
“What was his name…? His surname seems like Kim, and he called Hee...Hee Chul…Right? ”
Hee Chul Hee Chul…

4 They
Some of the memories just like covered by dust, it growth quietly in the corner. When you turned it over at someday, the thick layer of dust that would be murky your eyes.
He wakes up from the dream.
The dream like the spider's web, to implicate him, if you want to pull apart, but it wills more complex winding up.
Suddenly his heart jumped a special fast, he touch the forehead, but there are fully of cold sweat.
Thought the past, he could not stop the tear drops from the corner of his eyes.

5 Memories
He has never won him, and never followed up his thought.
But he knows, he will never argue with Kim hee chul, because whenever hee chul said is right.
So, when he said to him “Han Geng you have to be happiness”, he is trying his hard to be happiness.
The last time they met was on his wedding.
Even if the band has been dissolved, on that day of his marriage, the rest of 12 teammates have come.
He saw heel chul was standing in the corner of the room, he still beautiful, but the smile on his face was Pale.
He cried suddenly, and keeps repeating his name silently.
Hee chul walk into him and hold him tight, then he felt he touch his head gently.
He could not say a word, but to hear the hee chul said beside his ear
“Han Geng, you have to be happiness, so I will never regret my decision.”
Under his stare, he kiss his bride, and swear love her forever.

6 Recalling
Everything back to the starting point, back into the life they haven met each other.
He was on this side, while him on other side.
Once a time, his younger daughter had just accidentally seen their photos, and ran to ask him “Dad, who is this beautiful sister?”
He went to see, but there were the photo for he and hee chul.
20 years later
He open the photo album again, his little grandchild walk into him.
“Grandpa Hug”
He smile and softly hold his baby sit on his knee.
His little grandchild was looking at his photo album, and said
“Sister …beautiful sister….”
Under the sunshine, hee chul `s smiley face on the photo was suddenly come through his body, and then one by one inch disintegrate.
He smile, and said “no, he is not a sister; he was the best friend of grandpa, forever best friend …”

7 Finale
To the twilight years of life,want keep the time stay here forever.
But finally we have a deep sign, why life can no just like the first time we met .
Even now, he still dares to tell, he loved him.

4 comments:

  1. It's a creative and freshing idea to divide the story into several parts and write from different point of views. Though I had to read a few times to be able to get the ideas but overall it's interesting. Good work!

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  2. Hey, I’ve read your fanfic , it starts off quite nicely and flows on nicely but towards the middle and from there on wards it’s a little hard to understand , I didn’t quite follow the story after that, also if you look at it ,from a grammatical perspective, you could change some words and make it a bit clear. E.g. “Han Geng you have to be happiness”, he is trying his hard to be happiness.” Here the word “happy” should be used instead of “happiness“another example is “There was a clothes cover on his body gently” here instead of ‘clothes’, ‘cloth covering his body’ should be used.
    If I’m not mistaken, I think you might have translated some of the text due to which it doesn’t sometimes make sense, because of the names I figured that it could be translated but as you know if you directly translate from one language to another, at times, it doesn’t make sense and becomes very hard to understand what the writer is trying to say.
    However you could always go back and try to fix some of the wordings. I’m sure it’s a really good story, just need to change it a little. I’ll read it again though as Niki said that, she understood it after reading several times. And please do try to tell a little about the background of the story.
    Good Luck with it. :)

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  4. Firstly, thanks your guys’ comment, it was quite useful for me.
    Especially thanks for Aafia, yours common is really helpful for me, I changed few of grammatical mistake and some parts of my text, I hope it works.
    Also you are right, for my very first draft, I was written it in Chinese and then translate into English. So I could understand why can`t you understand some sentences because It is very hard to translate the idiomatic words in to another language. As I said above I changed some of them in my final one, and hope it works lol~~~

    Thanks at all, good luck for all you guys!

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